Domestic abuse is when a partner, ex-partner or someone else in the family, hurts a person or makes them scared. Domestic abuse does not always involve physical violence. Controlling someone, restricting their access to money, work, talking to friends and family - is still domestic abuse.
It can be very upsetting to think that someone is hurting a person you care about. The first thing you may want to do is to protect that person. But this could be dangerous.
To give support:
- Give the person time to open up. You may have to try a few times before they will talk to you.
- Be direct. You could say: “I am worried about you because…” or “I am worried about your safety”.
- Do not judge. Believe what they say.
- Tell them the abuse is not their fault and that you are there for them.
- Concentrate on giving support and building their confidence.
- Help your friend to keep contact with people outside the home.
- Be patient. It can take time for someone to understand that they are being abused. It can take even longer for them to decide what to do.
- Tell them they are not weak. Domestic abuse is all about one person using power over another.
- Encourage them to keep a diary of anything that happens and to tell other people about it.
- Encourage them to report anything that happens to a GP or the police.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 999
For local Support, please call DASS 0300 373 1073 (9-5 Monday to Friday)
National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247
If you are worried about a child call 0345 045 5203 (Cambridgeshire) or 01733 747474 (Peterborough)
Clare's Law
If you are worried about a friend or family member that may be at risk of harm from their partner, you can find out if they have a Police record of previous violence, or if the police hold other information that may indicate that they are a risk. You can do this by applying as a third party under the Domestic Violence Disclosure scheme (also called Clare's Law).
For information on how to make an application, please visit Request information under Clare's Law: Make a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Cambridgeshire Constabulary (cambs.police.uk)
Some of the signs of domestic abuse
- The person behaves differently when their partner is there.
- They seem nervous when with their partner.
- They are not their usual self. They are not as confident as usual or they seem scared.
- Their partner texts or calls them all the time when they are out with you or they have stopped contact with you.
- They have started to cancel plans at the last minute, or they make excuses not to spend time with you.
- They are always saying sorry for what their partner does.
- You have noticed bruises or other injuries. You think they are not telling the truth about how they got them.
- Your friend has changed how they look. Perhaps they dress differently or have stopped putting on make-up.
- They may be using Facebook less than before.
- They may have been taking more time off sick from work than usual.
- They may have limited access to money even though you know this isn't the case.
What a person suffering from domestic abuse may be feeling or experiencing:
- They may always feel scared that there will be more violence or that their children are not safe.
- They may think it is their fault and that if they change the domestic abuse will stop.
- They may be confused because they love their partner but hate the abuse. They may be hoping that the partner’s good side will come back.
- They may depend on their partner for money and to feel good about themselves.
- Many people feel shame, guilt, embarrassment.
- They may feel hopeless and so find it hard to make decisions about the future.
- People often think no one will believe them.
- They may worry that if they ask for help they will never see their children again.
- Men may feel they are not real men. They may not believe they are a victim. Gay men suffer worse violence than men who are not gay.
- In a same-sex relationship the partner may say they will tell the person’s family, friends and colleagues that they are gay.